During the investigation CGIS went down the list of victim faults. I was raped so therefore it must has been something that I have done. So they asked me about my clothes, was I dressed promiscuously? I am always in jeans, a hoodie and Birkenstock when I am NOT in uniform. So they checked that off the list. Continued down, was I drinking? The only drinking I do is coffee, tea, water, juice and the occasional Pepsi. No alcohol? Very rarely, during my Chief's wetting down (at Hooters none the less, that would be a different blog entry) I did pour myself a beer from the pitcher ordered by Chief, I drank half a glass in the 3 or so hours I was there. Never been much of a drinker. I drink a total of 3 drinks a year if even that. Alcohol was not part of the factor that they were forced to check that off that list as well.
They asked about my hobbies during the investigation. I like to read a lot (just ask Chief, he loves to burn my books), i love going running, playing sports and doing yoga however my biggest passion is helping others. I love volunteering and doing my part of leaving the Earth better than how I found it. How is this even relevant and why is it being asked during a raped investigation?
They asked about my family, what kind of home was I raised in. Do my parents own their own home? Asked me why I enlisted if my parents own a house.(umm...why not?)
I am a goody two shoes. I am the first to admit that I am a nerd (in a cool type of way)and I am physically fit to do the physical requirements needed in the Coast Guard.
When they realized that I had nothing in my past nor my present that can be used against me they made things up. Told me that I was sexually assaulted as a kid (I denied it heavily, its still in my record) they told me that i am having adjustment disorder and a personality disorder (the VA told me that those are 2 false diagnoses that the military often gives someone for the sole reason to get them out)
They did once say that I had PTSD but it was "resolving" just weeks after being raped, before any trauma-focus work. I am not some medical miracle that is cured from PTSD within weeks of experiencing a traumatic event and before therapy. Thanks for the compliment though but I am not a miracle.
During terminal leave I went to the VA and they made me fill out a questionnaire. Due to my answers in the questionnaire and meeting with various therapists and doctors they had no doubt in their mind that the Coast Guard misdiagnosed me and I started treatment for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from Military Sexual Trauma
I am service-connected 70% through the VA for PTSD and over 2 years of weekly trauma focus therapy at the VA I still have severe PTSD symptoms that most likely won't ever go away. The worst part is that the majority of my PTSD is not from the rape but what happened to me after reporting the rape.
All the evidence was handed to them on a silver platter. There was a confession among other evidence yet the Coast Guard was so fearful that this would ruin the "Coast Guard reputation" that they tried to cover it up. I refuse to be part of that corruption and I know if I kept my mouth shut that I would be as guilty as them so I started talking.
I once told a friend while I was still in that the "Coast Guard messed with the wrong person. I may be getting discharged but I am always going to have my voice. You'll see my story as a Lifetime movie one day if that is what would take to make sure this never happens to anyone else" He laughed and said "Actually, they messed with just the right person and shoot for Hollywood" I looked at him a bit confused and he said "You'll understand one day"
I recently received notification from a well known movie producer who is interested in producing my Coast Guard experience into a film.
I now know what my friend meant.
Semper Paratus.
http://www.thenation.com/doc/20070409/kors
http://ptsdcombat.blogspot.com/2008/05/combat-ptsd-or-adjustment-disorder.html
http://www.worldproutassembly.org/archives/2007/06/filner_says_pts.html
http://www.commondreams.org/news2008/0528-07.htm
http://www.truthout.org/article/veterans-attest-ptsd-neglect-va
http://codepinkdc.blogspot.com/2008/05/furman-state-college-may-31-join-us.html
http://www.veteransforcommonsense.org/ArticleID/10181
http://www.aei.org/publications/pubID.26542,filter.all/pub_detail.asp
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Sunday, December 28, 2008
don't try to shut me up.
I talk, sometime a little too much. I stop every female that I see at the VA just trying to help them in any way that I can. In class, any class I somehow always find a way to bring Military Sexual Trauma into the class discussion. I talk about MST to anybody that would listen, and talk even more to those that won't listen.
I spent each and every day for months after my discharged going from base to base with a banner that says: "Join the Coast Guard, Get Raped." Standing outside the base I talk to everyone that will pass by. I talk and hand out fliers explaining military sexual trauma, statistics and what one should do if they been assaulted. I still do it on the weekends and it has since gone from a one-women protest to having organizations and citizens backing me up, marching next to me. STOP MILITARY SEXUAL TRAUMA. STOP RAPING YOUR SHIPMATES
I stood on a corner in Times Square, "the center of the world" on Fleet Week for the past 2 years and I talked, talked about Military Sexual Trauma to every single sailor, marine and soldier that I stop. I hold my banner, handed out fliers.
On my last vacation to a country way, WAY off the beaten path I ran into several US Marines. I talked to them. I handed out fliers, yes I always have fliers on me. I talked to them about Military Sexual Trauma. We talked about Lance Cpl. Maria Lauterbach. They promised that they would protect their comrades from being another victim of Military Sexual Trauma.
I hang out outside the statehouse talking to every legislator that will listen. I talk to every government offical. I talk till I know that they'll go into their offices, to their meetings and continue talking about Military Sexual Trauma and make changes.
I cold call newspapers and other media outlets. I talk. I have been on air of many talk radio shows talking about Military Sexual Trauma.
I talk for those still in who are forbidden to talk. I talk for those who lost their lives from military sexual trauma. I talk and you can't shut me up.
I spent each and every day for months after my discharged going from base to base with a banner that says: "Join the Coast Guard, Get Raped." Standing outside the base I talk to everyone that will pass by. I talk and hand out fliers explaining military sexual trauma, statistics and what one should do if they been assaulted. I still do it on the weekends and it has since gone from a one-women protest to having organizations and citizens backing me up, marching next to me. STOP MILITARY SEXUAL TRAUMA. STOP RAPING YOUR SHIPMATES
I stood on a corner in Times Square, "the center of the world" on Fleet Week for the past 2 years and I talked, talked about Military Sexual Trauma to every single sailor, marine and soldier that I stop. I hold my banner, handed out fliers.
On my last vacation to a country way, WAY off the beaten path I ran into several US Marines. I talked to them. I handed out fliers, yes I always have fliers on me. I talked to them about Military Sexual Trauma. We talked about Lance Cpl. Maria Lauterbach. They promised that they would protect their comrades from being another victim of Military Sexual Trauma.
I hang out outside the statehouse talking to every legislator that will listen. I talk to every government offical. I talk till I know that they'll go into their offices, to their meetings and continue talking about Military Sexual Trauma and make changes.
I cold call newspapers and other media outlets. I talk. I have been on air of many talk radio shows talking about Military Sexual Trauma.
I talk for those still in who are forbidden to talk. I talk for those who lost their lives from military sexual trauma. I talk and you can't shut me up.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
College
After being away from school for far too long I decided to go back to college. Education has always been a top priority for me. Being a honored/AP student throughout high school I always knew that I wanted to continue my education while in the Coast Guard. Unfortunely, things did not go as planned and was immediate denied permission to attend college. After being raped and as a result got recommended for a med board it was always a "wait and see" game for them. They did not want my discharged paper to come in mid-semester for whatever reason. 3 full semesters did pass by until I was eventually discharged. I am ineligible for the GI Bill (did not serve the required time in service) and due to my lack of income immediately after discharged I put it on hold for another semester. Finally I applied and got accepted to the program that I wanted. The good news was that because I am a veteran my college (paid for by the state) offers tuition waiver for all honorable discharged veterans (me!!) and I am now able to attend school and just pay for my textbooks (as expensive as textbooks are its just a nominal fee for the education that I am receiving.) Recently I have been approved for Vocational Rehab through the VA for being a disabled veteran and starting soon my books and living expenses should also be paid for.
I do have my entire life to go to school so I am double major w/a minor that may turn into a triple major. My ultimate goal in life is to further assist Military Sexual Trauma survivors and whatever I can do to better myself so I can better my veteran brothers and sisters I would do. A doctorate or two is my ultimate educational goal.
Adjusting to college is a work in process. Obviously there is the culture shock. All veterans probably feel the same way. Veterans just think differently. I am a very proud veteran and I always wear my military and veteran paraphernalia proudly. In reference to my "Veterans for Obama" button I wore during the election period a classmate of mine called me a "baby killer" and asked me "how many Iraqi babies" did I kill? I wish I came up with a better response but I simply told her that 1. I am not an Iraq combat veteran and 2. That such a Vietnam-Era thing to say and to come up with something new. Luckily for me there is a huge veteran population at my college and we stick together.
The biggest culture shock was not until my first major flashback in class. Normally through grounding or other techniques taught to me by my therapist at the VA I could get myself out of a flashback pretty much without anyone noticing. I have been doing it all semester in my family violence class (sociology) The grades and work that I put in the class one probably can't tell straight out how emotionally difficult the class been for me. I sucked it up and went to class anyway and did all the work. We learned about the different traits of abusers and I was diagnosing my Coast Guard command from what my professor was teaching us. Yes we may be talking about family violence but how is the military not your family when you often find yourself living under the same roof as your shipmates? As my professor talked about stereotypical abusive personality traits I felt that she was talking about people that I encountered with while I was in the Coast Guard. I was just the identified patient, nothing was wrong with me however they made it seem that I was at fault and that something was psychologically wrong with me when in reality that is just very normal thing that abusive men do. Hey this class was better than the 1 1/2 years of trauma focus therapy at the VA.
As I mentioned earlier I found the class to be emotionally very difficult. I try not to show it but once I felt it was out of my control. We were watching the film "Once were Warriors" about the Maori tribe. It was about a very abusive household with extremely graphic scenes. There was a rape scene, Grace; a 13 years old girl in the film was being raped. I shut my eyes and covered my ears only to see my own rape and hear my own screams for help. Physically I felt him forcibly entering me again, I felt myself being pinned down and physically and sexually assaulted all while in "present time" I could not breathe, could not feel my legs. I felt that they were cut off. I thought I was going to die, I thought that I was dying. Here I was in the middle of a classroom having the intense flashback, been a while since it was this bad. My brain was not at the present moment; I couldn't even get myself to think about grounding. It felt like eternity but probably lasted around 45 minutes till I finally was able to get back into the present moment and leave the class.
The classroom was dark, we were all watching the film so I doubt anyone noticed what was going on but out of fear of getting another flashback I did not go back till the class was dismissed to pick up my coat and backpack that I had left on my desk.
My professor asked me how I was doing and I smiled and pretended that everything was all right as I was putting my notebook in my backpack just wanting to run away before she asked anymore questions. "I'll like to talk to you if you have a few minutes" My classmates was still leaving, some was asking her questions while she was telling me not to leave.
Fuck, I'm going to get kicked out of school was my first and only thought.
I sat down with my professor, trying to pretend that everything was okay but I could not lie to her. I lost control of my tears and had a very intense PTSD moment (different from getting a flashback) just breaking down and told her EVERYTHING about the Coast Guard. She stayed there with me as the "few minutes" turned into an hour just listening to me talk as I told her about the rape, the victim blaming, about being homeless while on active duty, being kicked out for being raped and why school is so important to me. I hate PTSD episodes cause I tend to say more than I should I guess I lucked out cause my professor is a Doctor and her focus is trauma. She has her PHD in like PTSD. What a better person to be talking to. We left it at not to read next week assignment if its "too triggering" per Dr. orders :) and she'll leave it up to me if I want to continue to go to class (wow, I have a choice, culture shock in itself.) By college policy it was too late in the semester to withdrawal from the class but she will make sure that my PTSD does not affect my grade. How fucking awesome is this professor?
After exchanging emails and phone calls throughout the week she was helping me get the treatment that I most desperately need. I ended up going to the beginning of the following week's class. "You know you don't have to be here, right" I nodded and decided to stay. As scared as I was for getting another flashback to the intensity of last class I also did not want special treatment but even more important I was fearful for getting kicked out of college for having PTSD. During the break my professor and I talked and she assured me that I won't be "kicked out of college" because they "try not to re-victimize" their students and she added how brave and strong I was (hear that Chief?) I ended up not staying for the 2nd half of the class and we agreed that an incomplete would be given to me until I finish up the work after I start feeling better. To this day she is still emailing me/calling me once in a while to check up on me to make sure I am getting the help that I needed.
The Dean of students contacted me (common procedure for students getting an INC grade) just to make sure that I am okay and if I need her to talk to my other professors to request an incomplete. Refusing to get special treatment I thanked her for the offer but going to continue with the rest of my classes and get whatever grade I deserve PTSD or not, flashbacks or not.
Fast-forward a few months:
Grades for the semester came in:
A
A
A
Incomplete
A
A
4.0 GPA (incompletes doe not count toward the GPA) as the Veterans Advisor on campus told me today when he heard about my grades "Right now, you have the highest GPA on campus and you doing this with PTSD. I can't imagine how you'll be without PTSD." I smiled at him and said: "If I did not have PTSD, if I was never beaten and raped and lost my career as a result I probably would have had a few Bs on my transcript perhaps even a C."
Fear is what motivates me, whenever I felt like slacking off, not study as hard as I should have or whatever I would read emails from my command blaming me for being raped or look at a photo of Lance Corporal Maria Lauterbach, USMC which I carry wherever I go. I am so fearful that what happened to me or what happened to Maria will continue happening that I have to get my good grades to get into the grad school and doctorate programs that would be most beneficial to me to help the military and MST survivors.
Semper Paratus.
I do have my entire life to go to school so I am double major w/a minor that may turn into a triple major. My ultimate goal in life is to further assist Military Sexual Trauma survivors and whatever I can do to better myself so I can better my veteran brothers and sisters I would do. A doctorate or two is my ultimate educational goal.
Adjusting to college is a work in process. Obviously there is the culture shock. All veterans probably feel the same way. Veterans just think differently. I am a very proud veteran and I always wear my military and veteran paraphernalia proudly. In reference to my "Veterans for Obama" button I wore during the election period a classmate of mine called me a "baby killer" and asked me "how many Iraqi babies" did I kill? I wish I came up with a better response but I simply told her that 1. I am not an Iraq combat veteran and 2. That such a Vietnam-Era thing to say and to come up with something new. Luckily for me there is a huge veteran population at my college and we stick together.
The biggest culture shock was not until my first major flashback in class. Normally through grounding or other techniques taught to me by my therapist at the VA I could get myself out of a flashback pretty much without anyone noticing. I have been doing it all semester in my family violence class (sociology) The grades and work that I put in the class one probably can't tell straight out how emotionally difficult the class been for me. I sucked it up and went to class anyway and did all the work. We learned about the different traits of abusers and I was diagnosing my Coast Guard command from what my professor was teaching us. Yes we may be talking about family violence but how is the military not your family when you often find yourself living under the same roof as your shipmates? As my professor talked about stereotypical abusive personality traits I felt that she was talking about people that I encountered with while I was in the Coast Guard. I was just the identified patient, nothing was wrong with me however they made it seem that I was at fault and that something was psychologically wrong with me when in reality that is just very normal thing that abusive men do. Hey this class was better than the 1 1/2 years of trauma focus therapy at the VA.
As I mentioned earlier I found the class to be emotionally very difficult. I try not to show it but once I felt it was out of my control. We were watching the film "Once were Warriors" about the Maori tribe. It was about a very abusive household with extremely graphic scenes. There was a rape scene, Grace; a 13 years old girl in the film was being raped. I shut my eyes and covered my ears only to see my own rape and hear my own screams for help. Physically I felt him forcibly entering me again, I felt myself being pinned down and physically and sexually assaulted all while in "present time" I could not breathe, could not feel my legs. I felt that they were cut off. I thought I was going to die, I thought that I was dying. Here I was in the middle of a classroom having the intense flashback, been a while since it was this bad. My brain was not at the present moment; I couldn't even get myself to think about grounding. It felt like eternity but probably lasted around 45 minutes till I finally was able to get back into the present moment and leave the class.
The classroom was dark, we were all watching the film so I doubt anyone noticed what was going on but out of fear of getting another flashback I did not go back till the class was dismissed to pick up my coat and backpack that I had left on my desk.
My professor asked me how I was doing and I smiled and pretended that everything was all right as I was putting my notebook in my backpack just wanting to run away before she asked anymore questions. "I'll like to talk to you if you have a few minutes" My classmates was still leaving, some was asking her questions while she was telling me not to leave.
Fuck, I'm going to get kicked out of school was my first and only thought.
I sat down with my professor, trying to pretend that everything was okay but I could not lie to her. I lost control of my tears and had a very intense PTSD moment (different from getting a flashback) just breaking down and told her EVERYTHING about the Coast Guard. She stayed there with me as the "few minutes" turned into an hour just listening to me talk as I told her about the rape, the victim blaming, about being homeless while on active duty, being kicked out for being raped and why school is so important to me. I hate PTSD episodes cause I tend to say more than I should I guess I lucked out cause my professor is a Doctor and her focus is trauma. She has her PHD in like PTSD. What a better person to be talking to. We left it at not to read next week assignment if its "too triggering" per Dr. orders :) and she'll leave it up to me if I want to continue to go to class (wow, I have a choice, culture shock in itself.) By college policy it was too late in the semester to withdrawal from the class but she will make sure that my PTSD does not affect my grade. How fucking awesome is this professor?
After exchanging emails and phone calls throughout the week she was helping me get the treatment that I most desperately need. I ended up going to the beginning of the following week's class. "You know you don't have to be here, right" I nodded and decided to stay. As scared as I was for getting another flashback to the intensity of last class I also did not want special treatment but even more important I was fearful for getting kicked out of college for having PTSD. During the break my professor and I talked and she assured me that I won't be "kicked out of college" because they "try not to re-victimize" their students and she added how brave and strong I was (hear that Chief?) I ended up not staying for the 2nd half of the class and we agreed that an incomplete would be given to me until I finish up the work after I start feeling better. To this day she is still emailing me/calling me once in a while to check up on me to make sure I am getting the help that I needed.
The Dean of students contacted me (common procedure for students getting an INC grade) just to make sure that I am okay and if I need her to talk to my other professors to request an incomplete. Refusing to get special treatment I thanked her for the offer but going to continue with the rest of my classes and get whatever grade I deserve PTSD or not, flashbacks or not.
Fast-forward a few months:
Grades for the semester came in:
A
A
A
Incomplete
A
A
4.0 GPA (incompletes doe not count toward the GPA) as the Veterans Advisor on campus told me today when he heard about my grades "Right now, you have the highest GPA on campus and you doing this with PTSD. I can't imagine how you'll be without PTSD." I smiled at him and said: "If I did not have PTSD, if I was never beaten and raped and lost my career as a result I probably would have had a few Bs on my transcript perhaps even a C."
Fear is what motivates me, whenever I felt like slacking off, not study as hard as I should have or whatever I would read emails from my command blaming me for being raped or look at a photo of Lance Corporal Maria Lauterbach, USMC which I carry wherever I go. I am so fearful that what happened to me or what happened to Maria will continue happening that I have to get my good grades to get into the grad school and doctorate programs that would be most beneficial to me to help the military and MST survivors.
Semper Paratus.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
new job
Three months ago I started a new job at a civilian workplace. A coworker recently asked me how I feel about my job so far and I told her how much I love it and It got me thinking. I probably love my job more than anyone should love a job. Yes, I was fortunate enough to have landed my dream job (working with veterans!) and have awesome coworkers (most are veterans, everyone is very cool) However, my experience in the Coast Guard made this job even more important to me and I appreciate it so much more. I learned to not take anything for granted. Take this as an example: You give a sandwich to a homeless person who have not eaten for days he will appreciate the sandwich more than a person who is fortunate enough to eat 3 square meals a day. That person may even complain that he wanted a roast beef sandwich and not peanut butter and jelly or whole wheat instead of white bread all while the person who have not eaten for days is happy just having food. I was starving for an opportunity to excel at work and the chance to show people what I am capable of and finally I got my chance. People at work always complain (I'm sure your coworkers are the same and maybe even you) People don't want to be at the meeting on a raining Monday morning or having to work overtime. I just smile and I'm happy that I can wake up in the morning and I no longer have to wonder if I will go to work and be raped and/or killed.
Semper Paratus
Semper Paratus
Monday, December 15, 2008
homelessness
A little background: Wrote this on Active duty. For my own safety I had no choice but to spend many nights sleeping outside. Not exactly sure if homelessness is the correct title for this post but could not think of anything better.
I closed my eyes feeling the breeze of the lake on my face, on my hair. A tear rolled down my eyes as I pulled the blanket closer to me. I looked out of the lake, the lake that I am to protect but how can I when my own boat is sinking? I feel like I am drowning. My distress calls went unheard and I am left to tread the water alone, keep my head above. Can't drown now. How much longer do I have?
I picked up some water in my hands, splashed my face, washed away the tears. Tasted the water. Feeling of shame flowed through my body. Ashamed that I can not protect myself. Ashamed to find myself in this position in such despair. Who would have imagined, who will believe that a Coast Guardsman, a person enlisted to protect their country be sleeping on the streets? I took a stronger grip to my knife. My muscles tensed as I heard a noise. I turned around. Nothing. Must have been a bird or the wind blowing the sand. I eased up a bit. Putting into reality where I am, why I'm here. I closed my eyes envisioning myself being a petty officer, receiving promotions, attending OCS. Things that I know I am capable of. I started to recite part of the boatcrew manual I been trying to memorize. The sound of my own voice kept me calm. I opened my eyes and stood up looking out onto the lake, scanning the water like I am on lookout watch but this time I am watching out for myself.
I closed my eyes feeling the breeze of the lake on my face, on my hair. A tear rolled down my eyes as I pulled the blanket closer to me. I looked out of the lake, the lake that I am to protect but how can I when my own boat is sinking? I feel like I am drowning. My distress calls went unheard and I am left to tread the water alone, keep my head above. Can't drown now. How much longer do I have?
I picked up some water in my hands, splashed my face, washed away the tears. Tasted the water. Feeling of shame flowed through my body. Ashamed that I can not protect myself. Ashamed to find myself in this position in such despair. Who would have imagined, who will believe that a Coast Guardsman, a person enlisted to protect their country be sleeping on the streets? I took a stronger grip to my knife. My muscles tensed as I heard a noise. I turned around. Nothing. Must have been a bird or the wind blowing the sand. I eased up a bit. Putting into reality where I am, why I'm here. I closed my eyes envisioning myself being a petty officer, receiving promotions, attending OCS. Things that I know I am capable of. I started to recite part of the boatcrew manual I been trying to memorize. The sound of my own voice kept me calm. I opened my eyes and stood up looking out onto the lake, scanning the water like I am on lookout watch but this time I am watching out for myself.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Rape of Women in a War Zone
Rape of Women in a War Zone
"A nation is not conquered until the women's hearts lay on the ground." -- Cheyenne Indian saying
In war, rape is an assault on both the individual woman and her family and community. Many hundreds of thousands of women have been raped in wars in this century alone, as reported in areas as diverse as Korea, Bangladesh, Liberia, Southeast Asia, and Uganda. Bosnian refugees have described how, in the former Yugoslavia, military forces publicly raped women to systematically force families to flee their villages, contributing to the goal of "ethnic cleansing." Assaults are often gang-related and sadistic, including other forms of physical torture. These women may also experience loss of home and community, dislocation, injury, and untreated illness, and these women may witness the murder, injury, or rape of loved ones. The effects of these types of trauma are immeasurable, long lasting, and shattering to both inner and outer worlds.
The situation is worsened by the religious and cultural attitudes surrounding rape. In a Muslim culture, the honor of the woman reflects upon the entire family; rape victims of Muslim faith may believe that the rape is a punishment for some sin that they have committed. Even if they do not blame themselves, they may feel such a strong cultural responsibility to protect their family that they often remain silent about the trauma. Many of the Bosnian rape victims told nobody, or very few people, about what happened to them.
The number of women being subjected to rape in Kosovo is not yet known. Rates of rape and sexual assault ranged from 3% to 6% in Bosnian refugee women. Long-term emotional, mental, and physical consequences of rape are found in up to 60% of U.S. female survivors. Similar posttraumatic symptoms were found in up to 75% of Bosnian refugees, even in women who did not report a rape, It is estimated that the long-term consequences of rape will be present in the majority of women subjected to war-related rape in Kosovo.
Consequences of rape
Immediate consequences of rape, affecting the majority of women who are raped, include:
* Emotional symptoms: shock, intense fear, tearfulness, anger, shame, helplessness, nervousness, numbness
* Psychological symptoms: confusion, disorientation, unwanted memories, decreased concentration, self-blame
* Physical symptoms: bodily injury; sexually transmitted diseases; muscular tension; fatigue; edginess; change in sleep, appetite, and sex drive; gastrointestinal problems; racing heart; bodily aches and pains
Long-term consequences of rape can be complex and severe, including injury and sexually transmitted diseases; marked interpersonal changes such as distrust, anger, and isolation; and psychiatric disorders such as:
* Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): reexperiencing the trauma in memories and dreams, avoiding anything reminiscent of the event, memory loss, emotional numbing, sleep disturbance, anxiety
* Depression: loss of hope, self-worth, motivation, or purpose in life; fatigue; decreased pleasure in previously enjoyed activities; changes in sleep and appetite; suicidal thoughts or actions
* Alcohol and substance abuse
Treatment
While the consequences of rape are severe and complex, treatments are available that significantly reduce symptoms and improve quality of life. See our section on treatment for more information.
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact_shts/fs_kosovo.html?opm=1&rr=rr101&srt=d&echorr=true
"A nation is not conquered until the women's hearts lay on the ground." -- Cheyenne Indian saying
In war, rape is an assault on both the individual woman and her family and community. Many hundreds of thousands of women have been raped in wars in this century alone, as reported in areas as diverse as Korea, Bangladesh, Liberia, Southeast Asia, and Uganda. Bosnian refugees have described how, in the former Yugoslavia, military forces publicly raped women to systematically force families to flee their villages, contributing to the goal of "ethnic cleansing." Assaults are often gang-related and sadistic, including other forms of physical torture. These women may also experience loss of home and community, dislocation, injury, and untreated illness, and these women may witness the murder, injury, or rape of loved ones. The effects of these types of trauma are immeasurable, long lasting, and shattering to both inner and outer worlds.
The situation is worsened by the religious and cultural attitudes surrounding rape. In a Muslim culture, the honor of the woman reflects upon the entire family; rape victims of Muslim faith may believe that the rape is a punishment for some sin that they have committed. Even if they do not blame themselves, they may feel such a strong cultural responsibility to protect their family that they often remain silent about the trauma. Many of the Bosnian rape victims told nobody, or very few people, about what happened to them.
The number of women being subjected to rape in Kosovo is not yet known. Rates of rape and sexual assault ranged from 3% to 6% in Bosnian refugee women. Long-term emotional, mental, and physical consequences of rape are found in up to 60% of U.S. female survivors. Similar posttraumatic symptoms were found in up to 75% of Bosnian refugees, even in women who did not report a rape, It is estimated that the long-term consequences of rape will be present in the majority of women subjected to war-related rape in Kosovo.
Consequences of rape
Immediate consequences of rape, affecting the majority of women who are raped, include:
* Emotional symptoms: shock, intense fear, tearfulness, anger, shame, helplessness, nervousness, numbness
* Psychological symptoms: confusion, disorientation, unwanted memories, decreased concentration, self-blame
* Physical symptoms: bodily injury; sexually transmitted diseases; muscular tension; fatigue; edginess; change in sleep, appetite, and sex drive; gastrointestinal problems; racing heart; bodily aches and pains
Long-term consequences of rape can be complex and severe, including injury and sexually transmitted diseases; marked interpersonal changes such as distrust, anger, and isolation; and psychiatric disorders such as:
* Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): reexperiencing the trauma in memories and dreams, avoiding anything reminiscent of the event, memory loss, emotional numbing, sleep disturbance, anxiety
* Depression: loss of hope, self-worth, motivation, or purpose in life; fatigue; decreased pleasure in previously enjoyed activities; changes in sleep and appetite; suicidal thoughts or actions
* Alcohol and substance abuse
Treatment
While the consequences of rape are severe and complex, treatments are available that significantly reduce symptoms and improve quality of life. See our section on treatment for more information.
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact_shts/fs_kosovo.html?opm=1&rr=rr101&srt=d&echorr=true
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
What is PTSD?
In doctors words:
What is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)?
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder that can occur after you have been through a traumatic event. A traumatic event is something horrible and scary that you see or that happens to you. During this type of event, you think that your life or others' lives are in danger. You may feel afraid or feel that you have no control over what is happening.
Anyone who has gone through a life-threatening event can develop PTSD. These events can include:
Combat or military exposure
Child sexual or physical abuse
Terrorist attacks
Sexual or physical assault
Serious accidents, such as a car wreck.
Natural disasters, such as a fire, tornado, hurricane, flood, or earthquake.
After the event, you may feel scared, confused, or angry. If these feelings don't go away or they get worse, you may have PTSD. These symptoms may disrupt your life, making it hard to continue with your daily activities.
In the words of someone suffering from PTSD
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is when you feel that you are going crazy. You are feeling that you are reliving the most horrific experience in your life, over and over and over again all day and all night. You physically and emotionally feel that you there all over again. That you are experiencing it all over again. there are times that you can not even physically move, that you are paralyzed and stuck there a prisoner of your own mind. You can not even control your thoughts. You want them to go away. It such a feeling of powerlessness. Your heart beats and your lungs close up. You feel that you are having an asthma attack only you do not have asthma.
Every moment of your day is planned to avoid triggers. Triggers are things that make you get a flashback. they can be anything from being in a certain neighborhood or seeing someone that reminds you of someone. You avoid certain situations and people.
Living with PTSD you never feel safe. You are on constant guard, on constant need to protect yourself. You don't take a seat on the train because it will take you 30 extra seconds to stand up and escape if you must. You constantly plan escape routes. You constantly question everything and everyone. You do not trust anyone. You feel shame, you are embarrassed by the way you are feeling so you push everyone away. You hate the way you are feeling. You hate the way that you became and are ashamed of it. You want people to remember you for the "person you once were" so you become isolated from everyone. It is not like they will understand anyway.
You try your best to stay awake because you know that when you sleep you'll have nightmares and feel that you are there, reliving the trauma again. I rather not sleep than have a nightmare.
PTSD is a horrible feeling. you wonder how much longer this would go on. You feel that you are only getting worse when your therapist is telling you that "you are getting better" You feel hopeless and always look for a way out. All of this being the "normal" reaction to an abnormal experience.
Semper Paratus.
What is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)?
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder that can occur after you have been through a traumatic event. A traumatic event is something horrible and scary that you see or that happens to you. During this type of event, you think that your life or others' lives are in danger. You may feel afraid or feel that you have no control over what is happening.
Anyone who has gone through a life-threatening event can develop PTSD. These events can include:
Combat or military exposure
Child sexual or physical abuse
Terrorist attacks
Sexual or physical assault
Serious accidents, such as a car wreck.
Natural disasters, such as a fire, tornado, hurricane, flood, or earthquake.
After the event, you may feel scared, confused, or angry. If these feelings don't go away or they get worse, you may have PTSD. These symptoms may disrupt your life, making it hard to continue with your daily activities.
In the words of someone suffering from PTSD
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is when you feel that you are going crazy. You are feeling that you are reliving the most horrific experience in your life, over and over and over again all day and all night. You physically and emotionally feel that you there all over again. That you are experiencing it all over again. there are times that you can not even physically move, that you are paralyzed and stuck there a prisoner of your own mind. You can not even control your thoughts. You want them to go away. It such a feeling of powerlessness. Your heart beats and your lungs close up. You feel that you are having an asthma attack only you do not have asthma.
Every moment of your day is planned to avoid triggers. Triggers are things that make you get a flashback. they can be anything from being in a certain neighborhood or seeing someone that reminds you of someone. You avoid certain situations and people.
Living with PTSD you never feel safe. You are on constant guard, on constant need to protect yourself. You don't take a seat on the train because it will take you 30 extra seconds to stand up and escape if you must. You constantly plan escape routes. You constantly question everything and everyone. You do not trust anyone. You feel shame, you are embarrassed by the way you are feeling so you push everyone away. You hate the way you are feeling. You hate the way that you became and are ashamed of it. You want people to remember you for the "person you once were" so you become isolated from everyone. It is not like they will understand anyway.
You try your best to stay awake because you know that when you sleep you'll have nightmares and feel that you are there, reliving the trauma again. I rather not sleep than have a nightmare.
PTSD is a horrible feeling. you wonder how much longer this would go on. You feel that you are only getting worse when your therapist is telling you that "you are getting better" You feel hopeless and always look for a way out. All of this being the "normal" reaction to an abnormal experience.
Semper Paratus.
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